One day, I was about to do the do with a dude. (Stay with me. I’m going somewhere.) He was very eligible and I half-wondered why he was interested in me. He was certifiably team beard gang and for some reason he was crazy about me. I wasn’t as crazy about him. but I was craving sex at the time.

Anyway, one fateful day, he invited me over. As “Netflix & Chill” hadn’t become popular yet, he offered to cook. Things progressed, then I heard the Holy Spirit clearly ask, “Subomi, what are you doing here?” Gosh, what a JAMB question! I would’ve thought the answer was obvious. But, I have learnt that when God asks you a self-evident question, it’s because he wants to teach you something. It’s like asking what is in your hand, when he can clearly see it’s a staff.

The question made me pause and I learnt a thing or two that day:

1. God is everywhere. His presence doesn’t shame or condemn. It’s simply there. All the time.

2. That you have the power in a relationship does not mean you should use it. What God was trying to call my attention to wasn’t sex. It was the fact that I was on a path to breaking someone’s heart. The guy was not being transactional at all. He clearly liked me but I didn’t like him the way he liked me. I should have friend zoned him and left him alone for a more deserving woman. Instead, blinded by need, I almost wrecked someone’s heart. That is how men develop the narrative of “All women are…” From broken hearts.

I left very quickly with the guy wondering why. Many weeks later, we had an honest conversation and parted as friends.