I have been thinking about how people change. It’s not an easy thing to do. Anyone in a relationship will tell you that dramatic transformations are few and far between. You essentially go in assuming your partner will not change and decide whether you can live with that.
But there are three ways people can change:
- Knowledge
- Therapy
- Pain
Tuition is the cheapest way to learn. You read a book, listen to a sermon, or watch a video that transforms your thinking. By shifting your perspectives, change follows.
One way to alter your circumstances is to deliberately find books or courses that address the topic and then immerse yourself in that knowledge. Renew your mind before addressing your behaviour.
Experience is a transmuted form of knowledge. It’s data that has been stored over time. Since you’ve been through the process of change before—or someone you respect has—you know what to do when you fall into destructive patterns.
You seek therapy when something has resisted all efforts at modification. Therapy works because of professional frameworks.
The easiest way to understand it is to think of a strategy session with a management consultant. They deploy proprietary tools refined over many years. During the session, they might split you into small working groups or present immutable research to settle arguments.
By the end, the consultant helps your company to uncover the answers to problems. They are facilitators guiding you to solutions that were already within you. That’s what therapists do.
As a layperson, you don’t have the frameworks or expertise to facilitate some solutions effectively. So, go for therapy. You’ll know the right person when you meet them—there’ll be chemistry, and they’ll focus on root causes, not surface symptoms.
Problems that persist for long often stem from past issues that continue to afflict the present.
Pain is an unwelcome teacher. Its primary job seems to be shaping our character and forcing us to grapple realities we would never willingly confront.Pain silences the innocent and the guilty, the humble and the proud. It has no rhyme or reason; it just is.
But many swear by it. When they reach recovery, they testify that they are not the same person they used to be. Something has fundamentally shifted forever.
In conclusion, I don’t know if you need to change. Maybe your loved ones have pointed out the need for it. If so, which of the three methods of change might you require now?
Thanks for reading.
