You can’t remember when you became addicted to the drug. It snuck up on you. Thinking about how it happened tires you.
The simple reason is that you needed to numb the pain. The violation was too deep; too brutal. And so you did what you could to silence the voices and quiet the despair.
Now you’re dealing with two problems – the abuse and your solution to the abuse.
My darling, the solution to a problem is “the” solution and not its alternative. The alternative never goes to the root of the problem.
You’ve delayed the inevitable for too long. You must go for therapy. There are those who specialise in the solution to your problem. Seek them out and submit to them. Don’t be ashamed of your story. They’ve heard worse. Some have even experienced worse. They will heal you and give you the key to moving on with your life, without its burden. Yes, there is life after abuse. You can experience colour and music again. You can be carefree and hopeful once more. These things wait for you on the other side.
See you in the next phase of your beautiful life.