There’s popular wisdom going round that one shouldn’t give unsolicited opinions. But it doesn’t work that way among close friends. When you love someone, you mind their business even when it’s none of your business. That’s kind of the whole point of building deliberate friendships.

It’s similar to how people have open-door privileges. They don’t need to pre-inform you before visiting. They open your fridge to look for food without permission. That’s how you know the person has become family. And it’s reciprocal.

The Beauty of Building Deliberate Friendships

Friends lend you their last dollar without asking what it’s for. They drop everything to be with you, when needed. This is because on the scale of importance, relationships come before everything else. You can reschedule work but you can’t delay pain.

Building deep bonds require openness. There’s a handshake with wisdom too, as you shouldn’t cast pearl before swine. While you can’t give trust prematurely, you must be available to receive love.

Whether you’re introverted or extroverted, you can find your tribe. It begins with vulnerability; the decision to stop putting on airs and to be deliberate about building healthy friendships, whether online or offline.

The more you interact with people, the more you learn about human nature. That’s why dating is such an important ritual. You know, coffee without expectations, a shared meal without pressure or a hike among nature.

Learning Points From Intentional Interactions

These meetings teach you social skills, tolerance and discernment. You learn to recognize the inauthentic and those who want to take advantage. Some of the people you encounter will become friends, a few lovers and others never to be spoken with again. There’s also inherent value in spending time with others – companionship and conversation.

It’s okay to have standards in friendship and to be choosy. Relationships work best when they’re mutual. There’s an interesting give-and-take that shows up even in conversation – you can’t be the one driving it all the time. The other party must bring gist to the table too.

Acquaintanceships differ from the building of deliberate friendships. By definition, friendship is not something you give to too many people. There’s exclusivity embedded in it. That’s what makes it special. So carefully select your close allies. It’s your right.

Finally, be considerate about removing yourself from a relationship. If someone is not well suited to you, don’t string them along. Spend less time and let them go. But be kind, for it is not everyone that can take a direct message of removal without feeling rejected.

I wish you the best as you build deliberate friendships.

PS: Read my previous Waking Thoughts Newsletters or sign up to receive them by email every Tuesday: https://tinyurl.com/spnewsletters

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