Subomi, Do You Cook?

“Sho, do you cook?” my date asked. I replied jauntily, “I used to but not anymore. I now have access to a chef and can afford to order what I like eating.” My date followed up by asking, “If your boyfriend asked you to cook for him, would you?” I grinned, as I realised my[…]

Gender Wars

There must be a reason why God made man, both male and female. There’s a reason x and y chromosomes interact to produce different genders. There’s a reason the Church is referred to as a woman. There’s also a reason why in the body of Christ, there is neither Jew nor Greek, Male nor Female.[…]

My Love Language

Today, I had a startling insight. My love language isn’t gifts. It’s quality time and words – unhurried conversation and words of affirmation. The type of conversation where you’re falling asleep, but I keep plying you with coffee because I’m enjoying your company so much. My attraction for a person seems directly proportional to the[…]

Learn to Walk Away

Three years ago, two quotations redefined the nature of my friendships. It was the year I decided I couldn’t get along with a passive-aggressive person in intimate quarters. I would not accept an adult who uses silence, moods, records of wrongs and their own version of events as manipulative weapons in friendship. I can’t remember[…]

Friend Zone is Not a Dirty Phrase

In my experience, the “getting to know you” phase ends very quickly in Nigeria, when there’s no sex on the table. Conversation either stops completely or in some rare cases, morphs into a refreshing friendship or business relationship. Amazing what happens when sex isn’t the only thing doing you. I don’t know if the universe[…]

Nagging and Project Management

In business, we practice the project management principle called “Management by Exception”. Someone is given a task, as well as the freedom to execute. As long as the task is delivered as at when due and is done well, he/she continues to enjoy latitude. Sometimes, what we call “nagging” in relationships is a pointer to[…]

Submission or Subjection?

In Nigeria, a stereotypical male might be threatened by a woman who doesn’t need his money. This begs the question – “If money is the main thing being brought to the table of a relationship, what does that say about the value of the man’s intrinsic self”? On the flip side, the same could be[…]

Beard Gang Fall On Me

One of the most powerful triggers for infidelity is the intrinsic human desire for newness. It’s called the Coolidge Effect. According to Wikipedia, the Coolidge Effect is a phenomenon seen in animal species whereby males (and to a lesser extent females) exhibit renewed sexual interest if introduced to new receptive sexual partners. Simply put, humans[…]

Can You Really be Yourself in a Relationship?

One of the more fabulous stories I heard from someone toasting me, was that he graduated from Annapolis Naval Academy. Turned out he couldn’t swim and that was how his lie was uncovered. If the dots do not add up, they don’t. I find that it’s easier to be yourself in a relationship than to pretend.[…]

Romantic Scripts

I once attended a series of literary events in Lagos. I observed that many of the guests spoke and dressed the same way. They even ordered similar drinks. I became worried when I kept seeing the same faces repeatedly. I recognised that some types of people love the same things (like those who attend outdoor[…]