The Nigerian Social Media Code

You must write in the most simplistic of ways, as your readers may not have the requisite depth to grasp your intent.

You must remember that the audience which extolled you yesterday will readily butcher you tomorrow.

You must tow the populist line. Uniqueness will be summarily torn down and destroyed. Remember you are one of us. Aspiration will not be tolerated.

You shall accept abuse without protest, because the people in your comments are doing you a favour by acknowledging your existence.

Those with strong opinions will never write on their walls. Instead, they will seek amplification and attention by making it their business to state those opinions on your wall, all the time.

Those who seek your attention will do so by antagonism.

Many will cut you down to size. They believe in their self-righteous mission to guide you away from error and to point out the pridefulness of your ways.

Those who will never have access to you in real life, will assume social media access is their God-given right. Hiding behind their devices, they will say things to you they dare not say face-to-face.

Do not make the mistake of venturing into controversy without an army of well-meaning Voltrons. Your Voltrons will faithfully return fire-for-fire, when you are attacked by haters.

Through social media, God will transform the trashiest of comments into potter’s clay and the filthiest of remarks into fertiliser to create and nurture beautiful patience in you and an enlarged heart.

Now, go forth and venture into the shark infested waters of social media. May the force be with you.


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