God’s commands or leading are counterintuitive and very hard. Sometimes he may pitch loving someone against doing what you know is right. Then he takes a “siddon look” attitude and waits for you to make a decision – your decision.

He sends no flash of lightning nor does he influence your choice. He simply waits. Afterall, he’s given you more than enough data to make an informed decision.

In my mind, i have imagined what i want and what God wants to be like 2 distinct worlds separated by an unbridgeable chasm. Both worlds exist in parallel, one rarely disturbing the other and both are quite legitimate. Anyone who has tried to make money the “normal” way and those who have tried to do it the “sowing and reaping” route know that eventually both lead to money and success. But the methodologies are different, the experiences and rewards different. And it’s ultimately a choice.

Going down God’s route will only fully make sense in the afterlife. Face it, on earth, the output is usually not commensurate with the input. The headaches, sickness, poverty, scorn and persecution are simply not worth it if one were to look at earthly rewards alone. I can do things much cheaper and faster my own way. Perhaps that is why the Apostle said that “if there is no afterlife, then Christians are of all men, most miserable”! Perhaps in the next life the accounts will finally be balanced.

And man, can God make seemingly impossible demands! Someone close to you dies and in your grief, along comes God and asks you to do something for Him. You’re like “God, how could you be so insensitive! I’m mourning xyz here and you’re asking me to do this other thing that’s entirely unrelated?” It is at this point that we take offence and label God unfair. However, in the parallel world, one thing has absolutely nothing to do with the other. In that world, what God is asking of you has nothing to do with the death of the loved one. Kinda like how in the Military, when a job has to be done, you put aside personal stuff and just get it done. That’s the life of a soldier.

But again, God simply watches and waits for you to make a decision.

I’ve had to make counterintuitive decisions in the last few years and one thing i’ve realised is they don’t go away. They come back again and again till you choose – one way or the other. You can’t ignore them and in making your choice you must be fully committed to the choice you make or else you’ll be miserable thereafter as you second guess your decision.

It hasn’t been easy and i need my friends more than ever at this point. Interestingly, it is at this point that my friends are far away. All my intellectual connections are failing and those who i need to be brave have become timid preferring to hide their heads in the sand than question fundamental principles. Therefore i have decided to eschew worry and simply throw myself at the Master’s feet in humility as I plead for the mercy to be prevented from making the wrong decisions, no matter how well-intentioned.