I’m Tired of Being Good

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There was a time in my life when I was very happy. I broke all the rules. I stopped keeping up with exacting principles and just let go because I was tired of being strong and good.

I learnt there is incredible joy in freedom. I should have focused on the freedom, but kept my values.

The emotional fracture I experienced so many years ago, has not completely healed. I changed. The conflicts I now experience everyday can be attributed to a loss of innocence and naiveté. Sometimes it is not good to test God’s mercy. It won’t let you down, but you won’t remain the same. Your eyes will open. You won’t return to the person you once were and at the same time, you won’t be happy trying to be the person you once attempted to be. So, you enter this limbo state; desiring the forbidden.

I learnt a lot from my adventures and am probably a better person for my mistakes, but I have lost too many years trying to heal.

Sometimes, I want that reckless happiness again. I just want to damn the consequences because again, I am tired. The only thing stopping me is perhaps inertia and deliberate blindness to opportunity. Or maybe, I’m just thankful to have a semblance of myself back and do not wish to wreck my soul any further.

If temptation comes, I will probably take it.

I shouldn’t.

Jesus, take the wheel. This is when I need your energy the most.

There is incredible joy in freedom. Click To Tweet The conflicts I experience everyday can be attributed to a loss of innocence. Click To Tweet


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