Dating 101

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I would like to write a dating primer for men. The truth is, unless you have game, have joined “bad gang” or have a mentor or sister, you probably had no one to teach you how to chat up women. (I think women need a primer too, so I have included a few lessons for them too.) Let me begin.

For Men

1. Never generalise or assume all women are the same. Study each woman carefully to see what she likes and can relate to. For example, anyone who knows me knows I prefer chinchin to chocolates and dislike motivational or spiritual messages first thing in the morning.

2. Don’t come on too strong. There is such a thing as “Too Much Information”. Remember, any woman you’re just getting to know is a stranger (and may even be a Karishika). You should never reveal intimate details about yourself to strangers or propose love to them. It is not only irresponsible, it makes you appear desperate. If the woman believes you’re slow, let her. Your life is too important to share with anyone, anyhow. You should believe in yourself. Women are really attracted to confidence (and beards 😊).

3. Research places before you take a woman there or choose somewhere you’ve been to before. Always check that you can afford a place and it is as advertised. Don’t use Web reviews to choose a venue for a date. Use personal experience. If you invite a lady out, choose the place – it shows you can take a decision and makes the lady feel taken care of. Also, pay the bill unless you previously agreed to go Dutch. Never invite a lady out and sit back expecting her to pay, no matter how old you are or how old she is. If she invites you out, she can and should pay. Men need pampering too.

4. Avoid these questions always, “How was your night?” and “Have you eaten? Also, if you can’t have a conversation without asking, “Where are you from?” and “What do you do?”, you must develop your conversational skills. Before you talk to a lady, find out what she’s interested in and Google the topical issues of the day. You can talk about music or politics or God. What is “Have you eaten?”

An easy way to start a conversation is to give a compliment that demonstrates you noticed something specific about your date. Don’t give generalised compliments like, “Baby, you look beautiful.” She’s heard it before.

5. If you go out in a group and buy a bottle of alcohol, don’t insist the lady you’re with has to drink from it. If she declines, ask for her drink of choice and buy it. Don’t offer her alcohol again. It isn’t everyone who needs to be high to have fun.

6. Make sure your date gets home safely. (Ideally, you should pick her up and drop her off – could be a Taxi or Keke). Wait for her to enter her compound before you speed off or call, to ensure she arrived safely, if she took a Taxi.

7. Be kind. Kindness is very attractive.

8. Set aside dedicated time to talk to a woman. There are some things she’ll never say if she feels pressured or knows you slotted her in between appointments.

9. Dress nicely. Don’t wear dirty jeans and a t-shirt unless it’s an outdoor event or adventure date. Show the importance you place on the date by wearing a blazer. You can take it off once the date begins.

10. Never accuse a woman or ask why she’s not picking your calls or responding to your messages. Playfully reengage a few times. If she still doesn’t respond, leave her alone. It’s not by force.

11. Don’t try to read the mind of a woman. Ask direct questions and insist on direct answers. Whatever you are shy about saying, chat about instead.

For Women

1. Never go on a date accompanied by a friend. It is disrespectful and insensitive. You were invited, not your friend.

2. Never accept a drink from another guy while on a date. If you’re in a club and another guy asks you to dance without getting permission from your date, say no.

3. Never order the most expensive item on the menu. It connotes lack of home training. Also, never order takeaway. Don’t you have food at home?

4. Call guys and initiate topics too. Spend your phone credits.

5. Give qualitative and thoughtful gifts. You don’t need a special occasion to do so. Be a giver.

6. Your man is not a mind reader. Tell him what you want (including how you prefer to be wooed or touched) but say so in the spirit of friendship. Tone matters. Sometimes, it helps to write what you cannot say.

7. Pay attention to your appearance. Many people appreciate aesthetic beauty, even babies (unless you and the guy are both bohemian).

8. If the person you’re with is not a trusted friend, please don’t leave your drink unattended.

9. Don’t drink if you can’t hold your liquor or if it distorts your judgement.

10. Please do not get into a car or house with strangers, when the number of men significantly outnumbers the number of women.

11. Always tell someone where you’re going and who you’re with.

12. Carry “vex money”. If anything makes you feel uncomfortable during a date, call a taxi, leave and pay with your own money.

13. Never accept “transport money” as payment or as an IOU for “services rendered”.

If all of this is too much work my brothers and sisters, you are lazy and just looking for knacks.

What else should I add to the primer? Tweet them at me.

Never generalise or assume all women and men are the same. Click To Tweet Your man is not a mind reader. Tell him what you want. Click To Tweet


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