As I leave Lagos for a working trip in Abuja, my mind settles on a few noxious social media personalities. I typically pay them no mind. But my annoying nature likes to jump into things.

The first set of people I dislike on social media is those troubled souls who amass power by contrarianism. They fill your timeline with bile, rancour, opinionated cruelty and abuse. They pick incessant fights with you. Perhaps, these fights are a continuation of offline altercations or maybe, they are just envious of your seemingly swift online success. They’ve laboured for a long time to amass their own clout. They’ve done everything to grow followership, like the vertically challenged boy in class, who tries to catch the eye of the belle. And gosh, they actually believe they have an exclusive right to intellect.

They resent the fact that you, with no social media cred whatsoever, suddenly arrived on the platform and in a few months, became an overlord. How dare you? How could you turn their private fiefdom of relevance into your playground? It is completely inconsequential that they did not create social media, nor do they have sole right to it. So in a fit of envious paroxysm, they constitute themselves as trolls.

These men and women mock your every post, in a bid to expose you for the “fraud” they think you are, and to goad a response. Being ignored irks them. They mock those who follow you. They complain about your regular insights, forgetting that many news and gossip platforms flood our timelines daily. They deny the possibility that you became more influential on social media, because of better content and dedication. While they focused on fleeting commoditised talent, you expended backbreaking effort. While they filled timelines with lazy logic and overbearing posturing, you developed and curated quality. In the real world, they would not have the courage to step to you or even have the access to do so. They forget social media does not make them your equal and never will.

Another set of people I particularly dislike, is those who cast spiritual judgment. They believe it is their mission in life to save you from the path to perdition.

Finally, there are those who delight in “completing” your posts. They wait for you to post something, then they start part two as a comment. Oftentimes, their contributions are out of context. In their bid to be the first to comment, they lose the plot, because they never properly read the post, in the first place. Many times, they possess little understanding of subtext and no appreciation for satire. Google, they cannot.

I believe that if you have a problem with someone’s platform or content, you should create your own. Let the audience then decide what they prefer. After all, content they say, is king.